So it was a couple of Fridays ago, a heinous day capped off by a haircut that made my head look like a bowl someone took a bite out of. Really. An arduous drive home across town to the former sanctuary of my house. I say former, because waiting for me up high in my dressing room was what looked like an elderly statesman of the big fat hairy huntsman club.
Let me put this into perspective – I’m a card-carrying member of arachnophobes anonymous, and this does not go down well. I was planning to hit the liquor cabinet anyway after aforementioned day, but I can tell you I pretty much levitated to it, poured myself a wine and inhaled it. Then jazzed up on dutch courage I returned to the scene with a broom and the bug spray and emptied a can of mortein on the sucker, who apparently preferred it to all other beverages. I mean, WTF? Are bug sprays going the way of antibiotics and the bugs have now developed resistance to them all??
The only option left was to go in with the broom, and before I knew it the drunkard eight-legger was swinging off the broom laughing and dropped into the centre of the room onto a pile of clothes and shoe boxes. I think it was at this point I started hysterically screaming. A one-by-one garment elimination eventually revealed the shoe box with the hairy legs sticking out, and the frenzied axe-action began. I swung that broom like a mother trying to save her first born, all the while screaming die fucker die! Just die!!, until there were pieces of spider legs spread throughout the room.
Whoever knew I had it in me? Imagine if I’d known at that point that on Sunday afternoon I’d discover the ecosystem he’d created for his family in my knitwear shelf…
{ 2 comments }
Lily 12.21.11 at 1:06 am
I wish I didn’t know you had it in you. Oh, the poor little huntsman spider. You do realise they are quite harmless and rather easy to capture in a jar, don’t you? How can I sleep now, knowing of your murderous escapades?
Remember that revenge is sweet and your knitwear shelf could be the beginning of something BIG! Sweet dreams hairy legs.
Vicky Kalofolias 12.23.11 at 6:08 pm
I hear you! I am in the same club…absolutely petrified of them.
have a great Christmas and New Year xx
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