Snip & pucker

by Patsyfox on February 12, 2011

With the impending wedding of one of my very nearest and dearest – not to mention oldest – friends (that’s Meg for those who don’t know), and the subsequent gathering of hers from all over this fine land and far, far beyond, thoughts have inevitably turned to the fact that I’ll be seeing people I haven’t seen for quite some time.

OMG – How will I look?! Will they think I look old?!  Will I think they look old?!  *Not that I’m competitive. (*lie)

Ok generally I get “Oh you look great!”, or “Oh you SO don’t look that old!” (which – note to those who use this phrase – only underlines the fact that you find my actual age horrifying), but there’s no denying the fact that on a bad (read: post-red-wine) morning, I look like Keith Richards in drag.  Sigh.

What can you do?  Well I do yoga (though admittedly more-so to perve at Joel), and drag my arse around the parks and streets of Melbourne in my version of the Cliffy Young shuffle – never let it be said that I don’t go down kicking and screaming.  But the secret my friends is something much easier.

I recall Maggie Alderson writing about a school reunion she’d attended, and that what really separated the uh-ohs from the oh-yehs was a good haircut and not dressing like a frump.  I’d like to add to that a lick of lippie.  There you have it – secrets revealed.  Make your cheques out to “Patsyfox” – all you need is a good snip and pucker.

P.S. I have to pull a during-the-ceremony reading out of my arse in the next week, so if anyone has any ideas they would like to share, I will pretty much give you my first born, should I ever have one.  Px

{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

SoJO 02.13.11 at 8:57 pm

Oh, I am sorry. Only suggestion is to keep it short, very short. The audience only hears it as ‘Hi, I am here to read stuff, blah blah, you may never get to the bar.’

Fourth Daughter 02.13.11 at 10:03 pm

I fairly much second this comment, although my only experience in this kind of thing is giving a speech at a wedding in English AND in Japanese (agghhh!). My own stupid fault for being the one to bring an American and a Japanese friend together, there was no way they were going to let me get out of delivering that speech. The idea of having to do that again stopped any future matchmaking meddling in its tracks, I can tell you…

Patsyfox 02.14.11 at 12:21 am

Ha ha, that is probably true! I guess I should drop the line of thought where I imagine people being wowed by my work of wordy art.

Patsyfox 02.14.11 at 12:23 am

Oh are you showing off now? Holy crap, a speech in 2 languages! Sigh, it’s the needing to keep on topic that’s killing me, seeing how it’s during the ceremony and not when everyone is cutting loose at the reception. Now you mention it though, the person who IS giving the speech is the person who’s wedding they met at, so I guess the matchmaker responsibility is correct!

Duchess 02.15.11 at 12:25 pm

How about this:
Apache Wedding Blessing – Indian Marriage Prayer

Now you will feel no rain,
for each of you will be shelter for the other.
Now you will feel no cold,
for each of you will be warmth for the other.

Now there is no more loneliness.

Now you are two persons,
but there is only one life before you.

May your days together be good and long
upon the earth.

Patsyfox 02.15.11 at 12:37 pm

OOH, loving your work!
Thank you x

CRAIG FREAKEN WEBB AH HA 02.18.11 at 7:49 pm

yep go with the Apache thing, Ange – that is GOLD!

kim 02.23.11 at 9:25 pm

can’t wait to hear the wedding speech you have prepared. oh and don’t forget after the speech to toast the bride and groom – it goes like this ” now everyone get off your arses and raise your glasses” that’s noice, different, unusual

Patsyfox 02.24.11 at 7:07 pm

Au contraire, you see it’s the READING, as in during the ceremony, as in serious & on point – none of which are strengths of mine!
Submitted options to the couple mixing nick cave with leonard cohen & such but alas a sanskrit thing was chosen. It IS brief though!

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